(Also published on Women’s spiritual poetry blog)
If I could step back in time to the day when my young husband (36 years of age) was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, what would I tell myself? What would I tell the ambitious, independent, achievement focused, busy young woman who was trying to balance starting a family with career and settling into a new community? My younger self who knew as soon as she heard the diagnosis – that the structure of her life and all her dreams were no longer. What would I say as she ran her hand over her pregnant belly and cuddled her husband and 12 month old son?
I would say
Love will sustain you through the darkness.
Love will show up and support you.
In so many forms.
Open all of your doors and windows.
Welcome love in.
Make space for all the colours and shades of love.
The love of friends,
the love of strangers,
the love of your parents,
your love for each other,
the love of and for your children,
your love of the natural world and
the deep love within you for yourself.
It will teach you, surprise you and inspire you.
You will all be carried and connected by love.
And on the darkest, hardest days in the last few weeks on the cancer rollercoaster,
and then when you are navigating through grief,
some of your dearest friends will morph into guardian angels.
They will carry you and help you with exactly what you need.
Terminal cancer is a grey ominous cloud but throughout you and your young family will be showered by rainbows of love.
Grief will be a heavy swirling dark fog but you will find rainbows of joy whenever you look for them.
And when you emerge from the labyrinth of grief, you will find more laughter and love than you can imagine.
Love is the only reality. Let it in.