Clare Smart. Celebrant and Blogger: Life as a Brain Cancer Carer then Young Widow/Solo Parent
A friend checked in with me a week ago anticipating the anniversary tomorrow. The day Mick died. It will be ten years. She said “I’m sure the pain never stops”. She’s right. She also asked after me and the kids. It felt good to be able to say we are good. Actually not good -... Continue Reading →
In my first few months as a widow I realised that parts of my path were going to feel painstakingly slow. Snail-like as I dragged myself onwards from task to task. Obstacle to obstacle. Retreating into my shell for rest and respite. Yet, with all due respect to snails, I don't think that snails have much fun... Continue Reading →
A short poem about removing my wedding rings.
What do you do when dreams bring to light some of your thoughts and questions from your subconscious? Since my late husband died, I have had several confronting, poignant dreams that have prompted me to face truths and emotions. One particularly unsettling dream occurred several times. This is what happened. My recurring dream My late... Continue Reading →
While we were out exploring the city today, my children and I happened upon an extensive installation of paper daffodil tributes organised by the Cancer Council as a Field of Hope. Each daffodil had an individual message or drawing of love. It was beautiful. There was no way to ignore it because it covered the... Continue Reading →
Most days I write about and reflect upon emotion-full memories. Frivolity as a counter balance is essential.
I had always hoped that I was psychologically strong enough, resilient enough and optimistic enough to cope with life's challenges without needing to see a counsellor. However, when a curveball of cancer knocked my young family off course, I conceded after some time that I needed to subdue my ego and seek counselling. Counselling sessions became a... Continue Reading →
How many years can you operate in overdrive before finding that your energy tank (both physical and emotional energy) is at or close to empty? And then how long does it take to recover and refuel? I started considering these questions in my second year of grief. My body had minimal energy and all that was possible was the most... Continue Reading →
When you have young children, you meet people all the time through playgroups/daycare and then another new community when children start school. It is a time in your life when you usually share a lot of information about yourself to build friendships and support networks. You disclose what you do for work, how you live and from that you find commonalities.
My husband and I had a significant difference to other parents that we met. We were riding the terminal brain cancer roller coaster.
Rainbows & Rollercoasters 