Clare Smart. Celebrant and Blogger: Life as a Brain Cancer Carer then Young Widow/Solo Parent
I watch from the window as our trampoline is dismantled. The net has a tear. Rust has appeared here and there. A pole has popped out of the net. It was installed on the first anniversary after Mick died. In the middle of winter. First jumped on that evening to squeals of delight. I supervised... Continue Reading →
I wish I could say "Ask your Dad" or "I've had enough - can you take care of this?" or "That's your department". All the tough moments, the juggling, the responsibility is mine. I am a solo parent. I've got to say I've got this. I'm here. I'll sort this. I'll do it. I'll figure... Continue Reading →
A friend checked in with me a week ago anticipating the anniversary tomorrow. The day Mick died. It will be ten years. She said “I’m sure the pain never stops”. She’s right. She also asked after me and the kids. It felt good to be able to say we are good. Actually not good -... Continue Reading →
My children love hosting Christmas. It is wondrous to me that they do. Two special men will be missed. This will be the tenth Christmas that we have hosted without my late husband, Mick. The fourth Christmas since Dad passed. Their absence will be deeply felt amongst the frivolity. We continue to celebrate with Mick's... Continue Reading →
A day like today ...
Most days I miss you in moments. When our son laughs or our daughter wants an extra hug. When a memory arises that I can no longer share with you or when our children reach a milestone or make me proud. When a headline or seeing one of our friends reminds me that you arent... Continue Reading →
Three days in a row of rainbow sightings as we take stock and give thanks for what is. Jumping for joy and feeling it all. We have seen so many rainbows over the trampoline and on the beach in the past 8 and half years. Magical and Mysterious. 🌈❤️🙏
At dawn you peacefully and quietly took your last breath. Our daughter felt it. She woke wailing. I rushed to her room and took her outside. Trying not to disturb our son who was still sleeping or your father who was resting on a mattress on the floor - by your side until the very... Continue Reading →
Here we go again. December. End of school year celebrations. Milestones. Preparing for Christmas. Family catch ups. Special friend catch ups. We see and hear from those we love. How are we are doing? We are doing great. And the shadow of grief? The ache and feeling of loss that is constantly within us. It is humming... Continue Reading →
Rainbows & Rollercoasters 