Go gently

Here we go again. December. End of school year celebrations. Milestones. Preparing for Christmas. Family catch ups. Special friend catch ups. We see and hear from those we love. How are we are doing? We are doing great. And the shadow of grief? The ache and feeling of loss that is constantly within us humming just below... Continue Reading →

Facing Father’s Day

With tears streaming she looked at me through the net of the trampoline. Trembling she said "I dont think I can do it. It will be too sad." I nodded. A few tears also trickled from my eyes. It was the day before Father's day. My ten year old daughter had been jumping to burn off... Continue Reading →

All was not lost

Seven years ago, winter had just begun and my family and I started to see brilliant rainbows. It was the last few days of Mick's time with us here in this life. He was drifting into a deep state of unconsciousness. It was clear that the end was close. I was about to lose my... Continue Reading →

Rainbow Messages

As we returned home last night I looked at the sky and said to the kids, "It looks like rainbow weather." They agreed. A big storm had passed through a few hours earlier. There were still dark clouds about but they were beginning to clear.  The grey light was bright. Sunlight was returning. We scoured... Continue Reading →

We will be okay

It's that's time of year. The end of the school year and the anticipation of Christmas. Many moments for the kids and I to deeply feel Mick's absence. Mick wasn't with me at the school presentation assembly today to watch our son collect two awards associated with the coding program. He never got to go... Continue Reading →

What could have been and what is

I think about what could have been if it wasn't for brain cancer. Where would we be? How would we as a couple have fared? How would our relationship have grown and deepened? What do I miss? It is easier to think about all the things I dont miss. Smelly feet. Sweaty unwashed gym gear.... Continue Reading →

Every day – The light and the dark

This quote is beautiful. It resonates with me. Every day. I talk about him, not because I'm constantly living in pain. I'm not anymore, but in my world, this is my normal, and I'd rather live honestly and out loud.  Joy, love, happiness, and gratefulness are my everyday, but so are death, loss, heartache, and... Continue Reading →

Finding our way through Father’s Day

I often feel sadness, anger and loss most intensely in the lead up to an anniversary or a day like Father's Day rather than on the day itself. On the day I hold my breath hoping that the children and I will be okay. Then on the days following - like today - I exhale... Continue Reading →

Forty Five

Last week the kids and I stopped by McDonald's for an extremely unhealthy lunch of french fries dipped in a caramel sundae. Yeurk! I shudder now thinking of all the sickening sugar, salt and fat. Yet at the time it was just the thing. The kids smiled with glee at the decadence and complete abandon of... Continue Reading →

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