At my late husband's funeral I felt surrounded by love yet also isolated by my responsibilities as a mother of two bereft young children, my role as the bereaved widow and hostess, and my personal grief.
What do you do when dreams bring to light some of your thoughts and questions from your subconscious? Since my late husband died, I have had several confronting, poignant dreams that have prompted me to face truths and emotions. One particularly unsettling dream occurred several times. This is what happened. My recurring dream My... Continue Reading →
I am proud of my 8 year old daughter. Yesterday she was brave. In the face of loss and grief she chose love, kindness, creativity, compassion and gratitude. She lost her father five years ago to brain cancer when she was just three years old. Her grandfather (my father) died from Alzheimers disease three months... Continue Reading →
When I became a young widow and single mum, I tried to return to my default way of living - before children and before cancer. It was: Achieve, Control, Independence, Busyness. I found that returning to that way of living was impossible. It took me a while to listen to my heart whisper "Surrender and Trust". A... Continue Reading →
It was heart wrenching explaining to my four year old daughter over and over again that Daddy's body had been turned to ashes. That he was not coming home. I needed to make a plan for where to place to my husband's ashes and arrange a ceremony to help connect my children to his place of rest.
I had always hoped that I was psychologically strong enough, resilient enough and optimistic enough to cope with life's challenges without needing to see a counsellor. However, when a curveball of cancer knocked my young family off course, I conceded after some time that I needed to subdue my ego and seek counselling. Counselling sessions became a... Continue Reading →
How many years can you operate in overdrive before finding that your energy tank (both physical and emotional energy) is at or close to empty? And then how long does it take to recover and refuel? I started considering these questions in my second year of grief. My body had minimal energy and all that was possible was the most... Continue Reading →
When you have young children, you meet people all the time through playgroups/daycare and then another new community when children start school. It is a time in your life when you usually share a lot of information about yourself to build friendships and support networks. You disclose what you do for work, how you live and from that you find commonalities. My husband and I had a significant difference to other parents that we met. We were riding the terminal brain cancer roller coaster.
Responding to "How are you?" & why I was grateful that widows no longer wear black. Exchanging simple every day greetings of “Hello and how are you?” often felt excruciating when I was caring for my husband as he was dying and then when I was recently widowed and intensely grieving. I realised that for... Continue Reading →