Feeling it all

Most days I miss you in moments.

When our son laughs

or our daughter wants an extra hug.

When a memory arises

that I can no longer share with you

or when our children reach a milestone

or make me proud.

When a headline

or seeing one of our friends

reminds me that you arent here.

I can’t seek your thoughts or opinion.

You didn’t get the chance to age

or see the world change.

Some days

our loss overwhelms me.

An inescapable irrefutable sadness. 

You are not here.

Our shared dreams for the future,

to raise our children,

support each other,

and grow older together,

can’t be,

and I feel robbed of hope and trust in life.

Alone.

How can such things happen?

Every moment of joy and love

and opportunity

is precious.

Sometimes laden with gravitas.

Sometimes laced with the bittersweet.

Loss can and does happen

to us all.

I get to live.

I am here. 

Maybe tomorrow I will feel lighter again.

Most days are sunnier now. 

I will keep leaning in

for our children

and for me.

Embracing and feeling it all.