Not 50 & 5 emotions

Mick would have been 50 today – Im not sure “Happy Birthday” is the right term.

Today was a mixture of anger, gratitude, resolve, shock, love and memories.

I could probably list 50 things Im angry about … here are a few.

1. Mick is not here to grow older, wrinklier and greyer with me while raising our children together.
2. He did not get to celebrate his 40th let alone his 50th.
3. Today is another bittersweet milestone to acknowledge with the kids.

Fortunately I can also list many things that I am grateful for.

Im grateful
💙To have the time to sit and walk by the ocean in the winter sun.
💙To have shared part of my life with Mick.
💙 For good health and wealth. The kids and I are relishing all the opportunities we have.

I am resolved that the three of us will keep living, loving, growing and embracing life.

I am still shocked that we are here and Mick is not. It is hard to fathom.

Love – there is beauty everywhere. The wonder of a rainbow at breakfast a few mornings ago has stayed with me. We are loved and we love. 💙

Memories. Tonight the kids and I had waffles with ice cream and caramel sauce – one of Mick’s favourites. We watched the Tour de France – it has become our winter ritual. They know Mick and I used to watch the tour together and they know that he used to ride long distances training for triathlons.

And that will have to be enough for today.

Tomorrow is another day. The forecast is for sun and blue sky. 💙