Clare Smart. Celebrant and Blogger: Life as a Brain Cancer Carer then Young Widow/Solo Parent
A friend checked in with me a week ago anticipating the anniversary tomorrow. The day Mick died. It will be ten years. She said “I’m sure the pain never stops”. She’s right. She also asked after me and the kids. It felt good to be able to say we are good. Actually not good -... Continue Reading →
Allowing chinks in the armor protecting my heart. Dating as a young widow. Also published in Elephant Journal - as "How to Love A Widow"
When you have young children, you meet people all the time through playgroups/daycare and then another new community when children start school. It is a time in your life when you usually share a lot of information about yourself to build friendships and support networks. You disclose what you do for work, how you live and from that you find commonalities.
My husband and I had a significant difference to other parents that we met. We were riding the terminal brain cancer roller coaster.
Responding to "How are you?" & why I was grateful that widows no longer wear black. Exchanging simple every day greetings of “Hello and how are you?” often felt excruciating when I was caring for my husband as he was dying and then when I was recently widowed and intensely grieving. I realised that for... Continue Reading →
Sympathy cards were comforting - and they were also jarring reminders of my new reality. I felt numb following my husband's funeral. Although the brain cancer rollercoaster ride had ended - I was not ready to disembark from the ride and face all the aspects of loss. I was shaken. I was afraid that if I stood... Continue Reading →
A list of some of my favourite books & blogs. But first... Support groups didn't work for me during the different phases of my journey as a brain cancer carer and then young widow and single mum. Mick and I did not have the time or the headspace to join a brain cancer support group... Continue Reading →
I feel a weight of responsibility to make sure that my children feel their father's presence in their lives and feel that they have a good sense of him even though they will have minimal memories of their own. We have photos, we have mementoes and a chest of drawers of his favourite things and I... Continue Reading →
When my husband died, I felt numb and trepidation at the thought of being with grief and facing many dimensions of loss.
This is what I heard deep within - whenever I had a moment to listen.
Rainbows & Rollercoasters 