Introducing my late husband to my boyfriend

Also published by – Option B.org.

Just after I created this blog my boyfriend Darren said to me “This is a little out there – but you haven’t introduced me to your late husband yet. I am reading about him on your blog, you mention him every now and then and there are photos in your house. Perhaps you should formally introduce him?”

His suggestion didn’t seem out there at all.

My heart smiled.

My late husband Mick shared an important part of life and he still does. Whenever new friends visit our house I do actually introduce them to him by showing them photos of Mick on our kitchen wall.

I had not introduced Mick to my boyfriend when we first started dating because I thought that might be a bit intense for both of us.

It was definitely time to do it!

Later that day when we were at my house we approached the wall in my kitchen. It has a number of family photos and I introduced Mick to Darren. I explained some of the stories and memories associated with each photo. I cried as I did so. Tears of sadness, tears of compassion for myself and tears of gratitude that I could share some of the stories with my boyfriend.

It was a great start but it did not feel like it was enough. My heart quietly suggested that we both visit the cemetery where Mick’s ashes are. Although I feel like Mick’s energy and love is everywhere, the cemetery is a special place.  I thought that visiting the cemetery together was required. A further gesture to honour the place that Mick has in my heart and also the place that Darren has in my heart.

Darren – (bless the lovely man!) did not balk at the suggestion. He ignored his mind, listened to his heart and agreed that it was the right thing to do.

So the next day Darren picked me up to drive to the cemetery. Darren picked up some bright pink flowers that we could leave with Mick’s ashes.

It is a beautiful cemetery overlooking the ocean in the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney. I chose it because the Eastern Suburbs are where Mick spent most of his adult life. There are so many happy memories associated with the surrounding beaches, suburbs and even within the cemetery. Mick was a passionate runner and often use to run up and down the hills of the cemetery as part of his training runs.

It warmed my heart to tell Darren some of the stories as we drove to the ceremony. When we arrived at the cemetery we quietly walked to Mick’s ashes and placed the flowers next to Mick’s memorial stones. It was an emotional moment for Darren and I – as I again introduced Mick to Darren. It felt like they shook hands and looked at each other in the eye with respect. I thanked Darren for the courage to be a part of my life and for supporting me and my children in embracing life.

I felt that they were Mick’s words as well as mine. 

cemetery

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