When my husband died, I felt numb and trepidation at the thought of being with grief and facing many dimensions of loss. This is what I heard deep within - whenever I had a moment to listen.
It was heart wrenching explaining to my four year old daughter over and over again that Daddy's body had been turned to ashes. That he was not coming home. I needed to make a plan for where to place to my husband's ashes and arrange a ceremony to help connect my children to his place of rest.
I had always hoped that I was psychologically strong enough, resilient enough and optimistic enough to cope with life's challenges without needing to see a counsellor. However, when a curveball of cancer knocked my young family off course, I conceded after some time that I needed to subdue my ego and seek counselling. Counselling sessions became a... Continue Reading →
Just a few weeks ago when my father was dying, I dropped my kids off to school and before I went to his bedside – I went for a snorkel. It felt incongruous that in the last few days of his life I would choose to play. But I did and I am glad I... Continue Reading →
Allowing chinks in the armor protecting my heart. Dating while grieving, vulnerability and trust. Also published in Elephant Journal
How many years can you operate in overdrive before finding that your energy tank (both physical and emotional energy) is at or close to empty? And then how long does it take to recover and refuel? I started considering these questions in my second year of grief. My body had minimal energy and all that was possible was the most... Continue Reading →
When you have young children, you meet people all the time through playgroups/daycare and then another new community when children start school. It is a time in your life when you usually share a lot of information about yourself to build friendships and support networks. You disclose what you do for work, how you live and from that you find commonalities. My husband and I had a significant difference to other parents that we met. We were riding the terminal brain cancer roller coaster.
Responding to "How are you?" & why I was grateful that widows no longer wear black. Exchanging simple every day greetings of “Hello and how are you?” often felt excruciating when I was caring for my husband as he was dying and then when I was recently widowed and intensely grieving. I realised that for... Continue Reading →
I am inspired by the strong beautiful eucalyptus trees that I see every day - they seem to be continually shedding bark. As I release what was once protective "strips of bark" the process is usually messy. It takes a while to unravel and untangle each strand. It feels revealing, exposing vulnerabilities and new layers of myself. Yet it also feels freeing and liberating. As each layer peels away I find shiny colourful new bark ready for new connections and more growth.
Acupuncture became essential in keeping me well while balancing three challenging roles: brain cancer carer , mother of a newborn and a toddler Corporate Commercial Manager and then as a young widow and single parent. At different stages I developed chronic eczema on my face, alopecia (bald spots with hair falling out), tight muscles in my neck and shoulders,... Continue Reading →