Clare Smart. Celebrant and Blogger: Life as a Brain Cancer Carer then Young Widow/Solo Parent
Just a few weeks ago when my father was dying, I dropped my kids off to school and before I went to his bedside – I went for a snorkel. It felt incongruous that in the last few days of his life I would choose to play. But I did and I am glad I... Continue Reading →
Allowing chinks in the armor protecting my heart. Dating as a young widow. Also published in Elephant Journal - as "How to Love A Widow"
How many years can you operate in overdrive before finding that your energy tank (both physical and emotional energy) is at or close to empty? And then how long does it take to recover and refuel? I started considering these questions in my second year of grief. My body had minimal energy and all that was possible was the most... Continue Reading →
When you have young children, you meet people all the time through playgroups/daycare and then another new community when children start school. It is a time in your life when you usually share a lot of information about yourself to build friendships and support networks. You disclose what you do for work, how you live and from that you find commonalities. My husband and I had a significant difference to other parents that we met. We were riding the terminal brain cancer roller coaster.
Responding to "How are you?" & why I was grateful that widows no longer wear black. Exchanging simple every day greetings of “Hello and how are you?” often felt excruciating when I was caring for my husband as he was dying and then when I was recently widowed and intensely grieving. I realised that for... Continue Reading →
I am inspired by the strong beautiful eucalyptus trees that I see every day - they seem to be continually shedding bark. As I release what was once protective "strips of bark" the process is usually messy. It takes a while to unravel and untangle each strand. It feels revealing, exposing vulnerabilities and new layers of myself. Yet it also feels freeing and liberating. As each layer peels away I find shiny colourful new bark ready for new connections and more growth.
Acupuncture became essential in keeping me well while balancing three challenging roles: brain cancer carer , mother of a newborn and a toddler Corporate Commercial Manager and then as a young widow and single parent. At different stages I developed chronic eczema on my face, alopecia (bald spots with hair falling out), tight muscles in my neck and shoulders,... Continue Reading →
A few days ago I returned to a beautiful bay beach that has always had a little magic for me. It is in a National Park and is accessed by walking in several kilometres though bush full of wildflowers, tall gnarled eucalyptus gums with dusty deep pink bark, sandstone cliffs and vibrant green ferns. When you arrive there... Continue Reading →
Sympathy cards were comforting - and they were also jarring reminders of my new reality. I felt numb following my husband's funeral. Although the brain cancer rollercoaster ride had ended - I was not ready to disembark from the ride and face all the aspects of loss. I was shaken. I was afraid that if I stood... Continue Reading →
Rainbows & Rollercoasters 